


Mary and the Lack of Proper Punctuation

by thanksforthecrumb, whilemyfandomsgentlyweep (orphan_account)



Category: Reign (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-22
Updated: 2014-05-22
Packaged: 2018-01-26 03:17:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1672724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thanksforthecrumb/pseuds/thanksforthecrumb, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/whilemyfandomsgentlyweep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A crackfic in which Mary is a strong independent woman who don't need no man, Francis is really darn adorable, Bash brings tastey foodses and Nosty is Bash's sugar daddy. I repeat: Crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mary and the Lack of Proper Punctuation

**Author's Note:**

> So my sister and I wrote this a while ago. This was technically my first Reign fic. Also, let me emphasize this: we both know how to write a proper sentence. We wrote horribly on purpose. Because crack.

Mary walked toward her one true love like a beautiful dancer that dances real good. Francis (her one true love) smiled warmfully, like a fire. Mary found herself lost in his deep deep eyes, which were cerulean, just the same color as Blue and Jewel from _Rio_. Francis’s hair was bouncing in the wind which made Mary laugh because he was just so darn adorable. She said, “You are so darn adorable,” and kept walking toward her one true love because they were standing very far away from each other when this paragraph began.

Francis said, “Mary your hair looks real good today.”

Mary smiled and wasn’t even bothered by his lack of a comma because he was so darn adorable, and Francis laughed because _she_ was so darn adorable. “No really,” said Francis, as he laughed and played with her beautiful hair. “It looks so real good right now I want to eat it.”

Mary smiled even bigger, way big, and said, “Only if you’ll let me eat yours.”

Francis chuckled real cutefully but then he got real serious and said, “No Mary! What about your virginity?”

Mary frowned at this, because she did not like this comment, and she was also beginning to get concerned about his disregard for proper punctuation. “Francis, we did the do that one time, remember? Don’t worry about my virginity. You should worry about your lack of proper punctuation.”

But Francis just said, “Mary you know I love you but my punctuation skills are perfectly well thank you?”

And Mary very nearly turned and walkded the other way even though it was very very far to get back to where she was in the beginning, because she just couldn’t be with a man who didn’t use commas in the right places. _Bash has good punctuation,_ she thought in her head. Just at that very moment, Bash strode up behind her and she thought, _Wow! He must’ve run all the way because it’s a long way to where I was in the beginning_.

“Hello Mary,” said Bash. “I see you are here with Francis are you having fun because I brought a basket of tastey foodses.”

And Mary turned around an walked all the way back to where she was in the beginning, which took her a long time. She didn’t look back, not even once, except for one time, and she saw Francis and Bash eating the tastey foodses and she decided to turn around and join them, which meant she would have to walk all the way back to where she had just been a long time ago (because it took her a long time to walk there).

When they were all done eating the tastey foodses, Bash said, “Mary did you like my foodses” and Mary made a disgusted noise because she was _so darn sick_ of men who did not know how to use commas, so she got up and said, “You know, Bash, you and Francis are not even that good for me, because I am a strong independent queen of Scotland whO DON’T NEED NO MAN, _ESPECIALLY_ ONE THAT DON’T KNOW HOW TO USE PUNCTUATION GOOD!”

And with that, she walked back to where she was in the very beginning which took a lot longer than she wanted (she began wishing the story had been set somewhere else, with less walking involved) and never moved from that spot because she was singing “The Man Who Can’t Be Moved” by the Script, which is weird because that song hadn’t come out yet and wouldn’t for the next 500 years.

And behind her (like a long, _long, long_ way behind her) sat Francis and he said, “Wow! That’s a really cool song but I don’t think it’ll come out for the next 500 years or so.”

And Bash looked at him and said very mean in a meanly voice, “Nostradamus is _way_ hotter than you also he’s like way better at seeing the future.”

But Francis just looked at him strange and Bash said quickly, “No homo.”

And Francis shrugged really cutely like in that movie that we won’t talk about here and walked away, which took him a long time because, as we know, they were a long way from anywhere notable.

When he was gone and Bash made sure that Mary was singing loudly enough to not hear him, he said, “Actually yes homo because Nosty is my sugar daddy.”

 

_END OF PART ONE_

_INTERMISSION_

 

_END OF INTERMISSION_


End file.
